I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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