Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?