dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
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I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
3 2 1 whiskey
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?