Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
