i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
