Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
