he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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