Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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