can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
