So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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