bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
