dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
