some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I want you more than these girls want KFC
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
