im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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