Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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