i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
