I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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