hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
