I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
