i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
