Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I understand Curling. That high.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
