Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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