Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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