i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
