You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
