at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
