dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
