GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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