You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
