I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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