Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
