Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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