I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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