So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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