I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
