Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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