ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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