If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
