Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
