She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
