$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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