Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
