Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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