I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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