Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
