hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
