your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
