apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
