At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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