Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Are we still banned from the library?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
