I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When did angry sex become our thing?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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