I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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