He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
