sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
