very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
