so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
