I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
