i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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