Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
FUCK WHALES
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
