Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
