This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
