I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
