I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I currently don't understand fingers.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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