I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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