She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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