You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Be still, my beating vagina.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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