I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize