I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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