I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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