I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
